it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
