There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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