Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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