yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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