I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.