I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
