Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
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Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It all started with a game of naked twister.