So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
