Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
