Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.

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(864): I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was. http://tfl.nu/wo9k

Replies (11) Good night (1992) Bad night (5068)
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(630): View more from Illinois

She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce

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(630): She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce http://tfl.nu/xuim

Replies (32) Good night (4208) Bad night (2000)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag

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(908): I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag http://tfl.nu/s6m9

Replies (9) Good night (1337) Bad night (4528)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.

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(202): I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded. http://tfl.nu/owwz

Replies (30) Good night (5111) Bad night (4017)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.

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(978): If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities. http://tfl.nu/pwci

Replies (6) Good night (1937) Bad night (1322)
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(914): View more from New York

My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?

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(914): My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis? http://tfl.nu/29es

Replies (14) Good night (534) Bad night (1765)
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(630): View more from Illinois

There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.

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(630): There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win. http://tfl.nu/fnn3

Replies (8) Good night (1949) Bad night (653)
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(518): View more from New York

Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.

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(518): Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in. http://tfl.nu/0iat

Replies (1) Good night (759) Bad night (624)
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(813): View more from Florida

My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.

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(813): My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me. http://tfl.nu/3nzi

Replies (9) Good night (998) Bad night (392)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?

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(401): Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer? http://tfl.nu/x506

Replies (0) Good night (518) Bad night (837)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".

(908): View more from New Jersey

That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.

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(973): You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch". (908): That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch. http://tfl.nu/oi97

Replies (2) Good night (793) Bad night (403)
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(519): View more from Ontario

He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them

(1-519): View more from Ontario

Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know

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(519): He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them (1-519): Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know http://tfl.nu/74uk

Replies (1) Good night (820) Bad night (281)
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(330): View more from Ohio

He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.

(216): View more from Ohio

Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.

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(330): He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success. (216): Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail. http://tfl.nu/s5vp

Replies (5) Good night (1016) Bad night (464)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.

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(609): If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days. http://tfl.nu/rcu1

Replies (0) Good night (622) Bad night (281)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.

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(308): Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator. http://tfl.nu/h4v1

Replies (2) Good night (281) Bad night (837)

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