Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk

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(817): View more from Texas

I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.

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(305): View more from Florida

We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.

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(813): View more from Florida

Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.

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(847): View more from Illinois

It all started with a game of naked twister.

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