Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.