Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days