Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.