Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground