I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
