i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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