How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
