I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
