This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
