The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
