we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
