She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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