Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
