i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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