i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
