Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
