Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
