Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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