look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
