Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
