You don't have asthma, your pregnant
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
