She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
