well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
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Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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