You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
