i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
