There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
