): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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