you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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