i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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