I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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