You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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