why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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