I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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