I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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