so that wasnt chicken after all
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
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I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
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Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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