Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
