Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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