yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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