I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
