so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
