And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
