Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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