sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
