I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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