Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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