guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
