i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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