Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
