True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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