We won't sleep together?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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