I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
