Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
