I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
