but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
