: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize