id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
