She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
